Ugh I'm so upset, my sacrament package was delivered and USPS put it in the wrong apartment mailbox like they did with some supplements last time I ordered something that shipped with them I was finally going to do my hero dose tonight with the gummies and a bar since I've been holding onto the bar and finally ordered the gummies. But I guess I will have to get in touch with the church. I might also stalk the mailman tomorrow and see if he can find it

"Oh this hurts too much, you didn't have to leave that way,"

It's my birthday but it's been a horrible month. My ex boyfriend took his own life in my old apartment bathroom on the 9th after I struggled to get the gun away from him and talk him down. We'd broken up and he couldn't accept that it was over. I'm working through the feeling that it's my fault he made this terrible decision and the guilt of not being able to stop him. So this year I'm having a pity party at my new place and everyone is welcome to join me, I have enough tissues for us all.

Life just keeps throwing curve balls at me and I'm trying so hard not to resist because I know resistance creates suffering but at the same time I know it's important to cry and feel my feelings even if they suck. I just hope I can have some time Sunday to take a macro and work through some things 🙏🏻

https://open.spotify.com/track/74axUvJAZwKxWdWPEMOmrr?si=pJVYNnwnR9yUFu7wzIY6Bw

This is my theme song since I started microdosing

https://open.spotify.com/track/3YjVhsdXUG69TeUm0XzIFZ?si=Bf_TDQasS9e8JmHgFjs5qQ

My daughter's cat Froppy looking cute in a box she's quite the silly girl

I like going for walks in the cemetery and since my autoimmune disease diagnosis I've been trying to be more active. Well yesterday we went and this little guy was following us. I went back today and asked the groundskeepers if they knew what happened to him and they said someone dumped him about a month ago and he's been there since. He seems more scared of men than women. I brought him food but his little underbite is so bad that he can't eat hard food so I'll have to get him some soft food. I'm hoping I can get him used to people again tho, he's still very hesitant even tho he wants to be around me when I'm there. One of the groundskeepers said he wants to take him home so I'm making it my mission to help him get used to people and earn his trust.

I just really want to share this song with y'all. I don't think I've ever found another song that feels as much of an anthem for how I feel about the world and life in general as this one. It's so upbeat and happy sounding, but if you read the lyrics at the bottom you'll see it's more of wishful thinking for a world that's so messed up. It always makes me want to cry when I hear it, I love it but it strikes a chord of pain so deep in me that I feel for the entire human race. The video also gives me the impression that Ms. Munday has used psilocybin before so I love her more for that

I'm always happy to talk about nature but especially mushrooms

Life has been rough this week with my preteen and her dramatics, my autoimmune disease kicking my butt in new ways (still learning what my flares are like) and work being stressful but I'm doing my best and trying to give myself the compassion that I give to everyone else. On that note it's time to take my meds and sacrament 🙏🏻