Tw: self harm
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A photo of me and my ex boyfriend Adolph when we were still happy together. There isn't a day since March 9th that has gone by that I don't think about him. When we met he seemed like the perfect person for me, we talked every day for three months before we met in person and agreed to make it official. We were long distance that first year and I had no idea that he was still so immature in so many ways. My therapist said I was repeating the cycle of neglect my mother started in my childhood being with him. It felt like having another child more than it did a partner most days. He had threatened suicide once before when we broke up in 2023 so I stayed but I wasn't happy and it only got worse. I knew that our relationship needed to end for both of our sakes because I didn't like who I was with him anymore, I was bitter and resentful and we both deserved better. I just wish it hadn't been the end of his life, my therapist and I thought his previous threats were just him trying to force me to stay with him. But I'll never forget that day, the way he looked at me, how I begged him not to do it, how I tried my hardest to get the gun away from him, how he was kind enough to lock himself in the bathroom so I didn't see it. I'm grateful my last macro helped me mourn him, helped me to see that some of us just shine too bright to stay long and have to go back to creation earlier than we'd ever hope for. He was a kind soul, and I hope to go on in this world being as soft and kind as he was.